Road trip!!!!!

Yay! Going to visit Faith, Joe and Michaela in SC on Thursday!!!! We will get only two full days to visit, but it will be so fun and worth it. Get to see little Princess walk, and talk, and the cousins will get to play together, and grandmas and auntie Rachael can spoil the crap out of Michaela.

CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )

Christmas

Christmas this year was wonderful! For the first year ever, Lucas 'got' it and was so delighted. His reaction that day was the best present I could have ever gotten.

From waking up to see his presents form Santa, right down to the end of the day, he had a good attitude, thanked us and hugged us all day, trold us he was 'excited' multiple times, and said at bedtime it was a 'great day on christmas today". He announced upon seeing his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that he 'Was a good boy", obvioulsy, cause Look at all those presents LOL. So very cute.

He got more things than he will ever need, and our house looks like a Toys r Us bomb threw up in it, and we cannot walk two feet without bumping into a toy, but still, awesome.

Not only the presents, but that we are lucky enough to get to spend the day with our families, and that matters more to me than presents. We missed those who were not there, but I still do not think they day could have been too much more perfect.

we are truly blessed : )

Big changes

Our house, aside being a winter wonderland these days, is also in the beginning stages of rearrangement. Just in the living room, we want to bring our computer into the common living area, instead of having it in a corner in the basement. it will get used more, and as Lucas gets older, and begins using it, it needs to be somewhere where we can monitor his usage at all times. So, our bookcase will become an entertainment center, and we will be getting an armoire desk for the computer with the Christmas money I recd from my dad and grandparents on that side, yay!

Bedrooms are changing too. Lucas's toddler bed is now in our room. he sleeps with us anyways, for months, that is why I sleep these days, so we figured he may as well use his own bed, even if it is in our room. At least we get tour bed back.

Lucas's room will hold all the extra toys for awhile, while we get the spare room ready to be Lucas's new "bigger' room as he calls it, he is very excited, cause he wants a baseball room, and we intend to make that for him, but first Larry has to finish off the windows, which had not been mudded for paint since we put them in 4 yrs ago. It will be painted and carpeted. We have enlisted Aunt Vicky form Florida and my mother in law to make an Indians comforter and curtains for him. It will be a cool little boys room.

Then his now room will turn into a 'baby' room for whatever child comes into our lives next. Lucas cannot wait. So besides Christmas being two days away, we are busy busy at our house.

Foster care classes start Jan 6, Larry's birthday

Oh, and Lucas is NOT going to daycare 3 days a week, just TOO MUCH money, so we will keep things as are for as long as possible.

One reason I love my husband

Remind me of this post next time I complain he is driving me crazy : )

I rarely have a pity party about my lack of being able to have a baby very easily, I figure that is not the way to be, and there must be a reason, but occasionally it creeps in, just for a moment.

I got a Christmas card yesterday from my friend Janice in NY, the message was short, but that she had not written in awhile, Angelina, her 19 yr old daughter with a 4 yr old son already, is pregnant again. She did not need to have the first one, let alone a second one. Those kinds of stories really bite you in the butt, ya know? All these people who should not be popping out kids, do so with such ease, and others who have more means to care for the children, have so much trouble. Does not seem fair.

But Larry looked at me and said " I think I KNOW why things are how they are. The world is so screwed up right now, and it seems foolish for people like US to bring another child into this world, that we could obviously take care of, while there are all these other kids out there being born that do not have anyone to take care of them. We are MEANT to take care of one of those children".

It all made sense again, and was heartwarming to hear him say. : ) My pity party was done in a heartbeat, and it reaffirmed my commitment to becoming a foster parent.

Seeing Santa

Lucas was very brave, and faced his fear of Santa. Despite a few protests while standing in line at the mall, when I put him on Santa's lap, there was no crying or screaming, they had a very long conversation and we even got some smiles out of him : )

He asked Santa for "Mickey Mouse and presents" Ha ha He was VERY proud of himself afterwards, and exclaimed that Santa is "a really cool guy"

Merry Christmas!!! Ho-Ho-Ho

Daycare

Lucas is starting to go three times a week in January, instead of the two he goes now, and the prices for the whole school just went up for the New Year, like everything, rates increase.

So it will cost 184.00 additional to what we are already paying for Lucas to go to school three times a week. Jimeny Christmas.

He started in jan of last year, and we got a summarization for tax purposes of what we paid out all year, it was nearly 5000.00.

I mean, Lucas is priceless, he is our son, but gosh darn, that is a lot of money we don't have. Sure we get some help with it or he could not go at all, but not sure how we will swing that, really not sure.

YIKES

Christmas fun!

Friday we are going to Southpark to see Santa. I know Lucas wants to ask for the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and in his own words "go home" LOL right away. Too funny, we shall see how it goes, we have talked about it enough, thats for sure.

Saturday we will go downtown and see the lights at Tower City and Public Square, that will be fun.

We have to bake cookies too for Santa for Christmas Eve and we bought a special "santa and his reindeers" plate to leave the cookies and carrots, in case Rudolph gets hungry too.

Yay! I am still about 4 gift cards away form being done shopping and not quite done wrapping, but I know it will get done in plenty of time

Lucas DOES listen

Amazingly I know he remembers everything ever said to him, despite the blank look of "what are you talking about" everytime we DO speak to him

Last night Lucas was trying to get Larry's attention, and he said "Daddy" rather loudly, because I think Larry was trying to brush his teeth or something

When Larry answered, Lucas replied " I am not mad at you, I just want you to calm down and listen to me ", in a calm, even, matter of fact way.

Using our own words against us, he does it often, but it is in those moments we know he really IS listening to us, even if he pretends he does not hear us : )

It continues

Well, the cough progression has been minimal, for now, so I was worrying for nothing, just that its been a heck of a year, so I just assume the worst anymore.

But last night I noticed a cold sore on Lucas's lip, and one in his cheek inside. So, I was right to assume the worst. Cause he had a lip and a mouth full of sores in Oct, which resulted in a fever, and him missing school and me missing work. Then it proceeded INTO the cough that required two rounds of Zithromax to zap it-AGAIN, for the third time this year. Larry pointed out to me that :at least he has not had an ear infection" since the tubes went in May.


Well goodie


I have a call in to his dr office to see if they want to give him the anti viral meds that helped him last time, before it gets too bad this time.

I just want my baby to be healthy for more than one week at a time : (

Sick-AGAIN

Of course, Lucas started with the cold around Sat into Sunday, and Larry too, Wed I started with it and am now stuffy and miserable.

I am so sick of us being sick, it is just to the point of ridiculous anymore : (

Now if all it is is colds, then I will not complain too much in contrast to the rest of 2008, and Lucas seems to be over the worst, right up til that COUGH that has been the death of me for a better part of this year started yesterday and into last night.

I, of course, am assuming the worst, and anticipating another round of nasty antibiotics to cure the stupid relentless thing, but time will tell. Just the odds are not in our favor this year > It is really frustrating to say the least.

Decorating the tree

Poor Lucas

He is really afraid of Santa, but I keep telling him Santa will not bring him any presents if he does not sit on his lap, tell him what he wants and take a nice picture when we got to the mall to see him. Mean? A little, but I have faith it will work, then he will get over it, you know, to use against me later when he wants to torture me with all the things that traumatized him as a child.

But we were getting ready to put up the tree the other night, and we were telling him we were going to do it that morning, and he said he did not want to put up the tree. I asked why? becasue he did not want Santa to come to his house LOL! It never occurred to me he was hearing me say Santa would BRING him toys and he does not know "Santa" will come one night while he is sleeping, poor kid thinks if he puts up a tree, Santa will move in with us or something. I laughed and felt a bit bad. I did explain that on christmas eve he will come while Lucas is alseep to leave the toys and he will not see him at all, just at the mall, Santa is too busy to visit any other time : ) He seemed fine then.

Putting up the tree was hilarious too. I will get pics up, they never coincide with my posts, cause I am a bit behind on turning on the computer at home and taking the time to upload, but they will come.

Lucas did not care last year about ornaments, but he was having a grand old time Sat. We would give him ornament after ornament, and he would migrate to one place on the tree, and 15 ornaments would be on two branches next to each other, if they fell off, he patiently put it back on, there was no spreading it out, he liked his spot, and it was quite impressive how he got that many on the tree branch without the tree,falling over to one side, or the branch falling off from too much weight. He is quite methodical when he puts his mind to it : )

I spread them out when he was not looking and he says all the time he loves his Merry Christmas Tree.

An official announcement of sorts

No, I am not pregnant, for the record.

Larry and I have decided to pursue adoption, thru the Berea Family and Childrens Services Foster care/Adoption program.

The reason that I did not run around blurting it to everyone the minute we decided this is well, really only because it mostly only matters to us, at this point in the game, and opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one. I am sure noone would intentionally say negative things to us about this decision, but people do inadvertently say uneducated, stupid things without thinking, and I may hurt the first person who does so about this particular subject. (That was a disclaimer by the way, support and questions encouraged, but if you have nothing positive or constructive to say for any reason, please keep it to yourselves).

There really will not be any questions you can ask, or points that can be made that we have not already thought of, asked ourselves, or researched. This is not a decision that is made on a spur of the moment kinda 'hey-lets- go-foster-tomorrow-for-something-to-do'. Obviously it is years in the making. In a perfect world, or maybe just a perception of what we think would be perfect, I would have been one of the lucky ones who concieved on a dime when we were ready and the timing was 'perfect'. But there are obviously other things going on in the universe besides my issues, (who knew?) lol.

So, we asked ourselves, are we only meant to have one child? In my heart and in my gut, something that is hard to put into words, I just KNOW I am meant to have two kids. Just KNOW, without a doubt in my mind. I try to convince myself one is the number, and it does not compute. Hard to explain.

And not for one second do I take my luck for granted at having Lucas, this has nothing to do with how grateful I am to have my son. He is the most wonderful thing in the world. I have heard this countless times. "Maybe you should just be thankful that you have Lucas". See, those are the stupid, ignorant comments that really get under my skin.

I DO count my blessings, every day and if he is truly the only child I ever have, it will still be the biggest blessing of all, I am blessed, I know this. This has NOTHING to do with not being 'happy with what I have got", and the only people who say this kind of thing, are the ones who never walked 5 feet, never mind a mile, in my shoes. Those people have no idea that the wanting of a second child after getting a miracle baby already, have nothing to do with not being satisfied with the precious gift we have, nothing.

Then there are the wishes we have for our son to HAVE that sibling bond. Playmate, lifelong friend, sometimes foe, but ultimately the one person who is a constant in your life no matter what. I had and have that with my sister, and never once have I thought I wished I was an only child, I was so lucky to have her growing up, and in the end, noone should be without that relationship, in my own opinion. it is so important to us, no matter how the sibling gets there.

And Lucas, he is the smartest 3 yr old I ever met, and I think sometimes we do not give kids enough credit. They are able to take the facts, and have no issues, cause they are not blurred by life, they have no biases, like we learn as we get older, and they understand things better than adults do at times, so the worries I had about how he would take it if god forbid we got a child who did not end up staying with us, I have gotten over it. he will understand, and I have full faith that everyhting happens for a reason, what is meant to be, will be, and it all works out how it is supposed to. We can teach our son that there is more than one way to make a family. Such a wonderful thing for him to be a part of, an adventure for all of us for sure.

So we have decided to take the leap of faith, put it in God's hands, and pray for whatever is meant to be. It is scary, and exciting.

It will mean two mos of training classes 2-4 days a week, a homestudy, etc. But we can be licensed in three mos from starting, so come April, we could possibly get a placement at any time. So WOW

This is a big deal, to us, and eventually for all who share in our lives.

Where is my baby sister?

Lucas asked me out of the blue last night "Where is my baby sister?" Accusingly, like I have been hiding her in the house from him LOL

I just busted out laughing, cause of the way he said it and I told him "I really don't know"

He is now adamant he wants a sister, there is no talking to him about a brother, cause he wants a sister, a GIRL baby he will tell you.

I talked to him the other day about how some kids are born form other mommy's bellies, but they cannot take care of the babies, and then the babies have no mommy or daddy and wouldn't it be really nice of us, if we took one of those babies and gave it a nice house, with Lucas a a big brother, and doggies and toys, he agreed it was sad and that was a good idea, as long as it is a sister. Boy knows what he wants at all times, just like his mommy.

Then in the next breath he said "I want the baby to come out of YOUR tummy".

Well, noone knows if that will happen and the window is quickly shutting on that option.

Hard to explain all that to a 3 yr old who thinks it is as simple as 'getting' that baby sister. Gotta love him. At least he is ready to share mommy, or so he thinks, as opposed to 6 mos ago when he emphatically declared over and over he did not, in any way shape or form, need a bother OR sister : )

Cookie dough day tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I pick up the fundraiser cookie dough and other treats from Lucas's school. I am excited about the yummy stuff, but I have absolutely no idea how Larry and I are going to get all this frozen stuff to stay good while we take it to work to pass out to those who bought it. Things that make you go HMMMMM

But anyways, yummy stuff coming soon : )

Riley also has a vet appt tomorrow at 10:15 am and I have a haircut appt at 1:30, that is about 2 weeks overdue. And gotta pick up the stuff at Goddard between 3:30 and 5:30. Clean the house up as usual, go to the bank, post office, etc.

Gosh I would love to be bored, just once, for 5 minutes even. I cannot even remember what bored feels like after the last 3 yrs. One day, I want to be bored again, just for a little while. I doubt it will happen anytime soon, but a girl can wish.

Okay, really

If someone had told me 6 mos ago, 2 mos ago, that facebook would even be anything remotely fun, or something I would get into, I would have laughed in their faces.

Not so funny now. I am addicted, I love it, it's like crack. It is just fun, something to do, keep in touch with people I either do not see often or have not seen in years. Gives me something to do when I am bored at work. : ) Makes me feel like I am in touch with the real world again. I had kind of lost myself in that sense over the last 8-10 yrs.

Myspace, meh, no biggie, the layout is a pain, I have no use for it but to keep up with Melissa from Fl, and Alyssa and Kyleigh.

But Facebook is fun, so is blogging. Just thought you might all want to know : )

What?

If Lucas asks you or talks about Mr Gas Card, know that he means the movie Madagascar. How cute is he? : ) We like to move it, move it>

Starting to get into the Christmas spirit

Finally! I was really not feeling it this year at all. It has been a tough, tough year, lots of changes, and lots of illnesses we had to get thru. It is hard to get into thinking about the happy holidays when you are missing a part of your family that had always been there. But we will miss grandpa, and think of him, he never leaves my thoughts, and I am sure I speak for most of my family as well, I am sure he is never far from any of our thoughts and hearts.

But Lucas is starting to get really excited, really trying to grasp the whole thing, and that is awesome. He is so delighted to see the lights appearing on everyone's houses, talking about Santa and elves and especially watching all those Christmas specials, many that I grew up watching, like the Peanuts shows, he LOVES Charlie brown and Snoopy. This has been a lot of fun snuggling on the couch in our jammies, eating popcorn and giggling at the cute shows.

He is looking forward to putting up the tree, which we have scheduled for next weekend, going to see Santa very soon to tell him he wants the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, which is about the ONLY thing that I or nooone was going to get him from Toys R Us this year, darned kid, he is getting everything else on their shelves. I think he will get over it. I hope.

We are planning our now annual trip downtown to see the lights, last year we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, saw the sights at Tower City, and then walked around Public Square, so we will do that soon.

Yep, definitely starting to get excited about Christmas, that and I am hoping for a less eventful 2009.